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4,307 Posts
1:00 AM: Alarm clock rings.
2:00 AM: Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed.
2:30 AM: Throw everything except kitchen sink into pickup.
3:00 AM: Leave for deep woods.
3:15 AM: Drive back home to pick up gun.
3:30 AM: Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight.
4:00 AM: Set up camp. Forgot the damn tent.
4:30 AM: Head for the woods.
6:05 AM: See 8 deer.
6:06 AM: Take aim and squeeze trigger.
6:07 AM: "CLICK"
6:08 AM: Load gun while watching deer go over hill.
8:00 AM: Head back to camp.
9:00 AM: Still looking for camp.
10:00 AM: Realize that you don't know where camp is.
NOON : Fire gun for help---eat wild berries.
12:15 PM: Run out of bullets---eight deer come back.
12:20 PM: Strange feeling in stomach.
12:30 PM: Realize that you ate poison berries.
12:45 PM: Rescued.
12:55 PM: Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped, throw up instead.
3:15 PM: Arrive back at camp.
3:30 PM: Leave camp to kill deer.
4:00 PM: Return to camp for bullets.
4:01 PM: Load gun---leave camp again.
5:00 PM: Empty gun on squirrel that's bugging you.
6:00 PM: Arrive at camp -- see deer grazing.
6:01 PM: Load gun.
6:02 PM: Fire gun.
6:03 PM: One dead pickup truck.
6:05 PM: Hunting partners arrive in camp dragging deer.
6:06 PM: Repress strong desire to shoot hunting partners.
6:07 PM: Fall into fire.
6:10 PM: Change clothing, throw burned ones in fire.
6:15 PM: Take pickup, leave hunting partners and deer in the woods.
6:25 PM: Pickup boils over due to hole shot in block.
6:26 PM: Start walking.
6:30 PM: Stumble and fall, drop gun in mud.
6:35 PM: Meet bear.
6:36 PM: Take aim.
6:37 PM: Fire gun, blow up barrel that's plugged with mud.
6:38 PM: Shit pants.
6:39 PM: Climb tree.
10:00 PM: Bear leaves. Wrap @#$%&* gun around tree.
Midnight: Home at last. Fall on knees thanking Maker.
Sunday: Watch football game on TV, slowly tearing hunting license into little pieces, place into envelope and mail to Game Warden, with very clear instructions on where to place it.
2:00 AM: Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed.
2:30 AM: Throw everything except kitchen sink into pickup.
3:00 AM: Leave for deep woods.
3:15 AM: Drive back home to pick up gun.
3:30 AM: Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight.
4:00 AM: Set up camp. Forgot the damn tent.
4:30 AM: Head for the woods.
6:05 AM: See 8 deer.
6:06 AM: Take aim and squeeze trigger.
6:07 AM: "CLICK"
6:08 AM: Load gun while watching deer go over hill.
8:00 AM: Head back to camp.
9:00 AM: Still looking for camp.
10:00 AM: Realize that you don't know where camp is.
NOON : Fire gun for help---eat wild berries.
12:15 PM: Run out of bullets---eight deer come back.
12:20 PM: Strange feeling in stomach.
12:30 PM: Realize that you ate poison berries.
12:45 PM: Rescued.
12:55 PM: Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped, throw up instead.
3:15 PM: Arrive back at camp.
3:30 PM: Leave camp to kill deer.
4:00 PM: Return to camp for bullets.
4:01 PM: Load gun---leave camp again.
5:00 PM: Empty gun on squirrel that's bugging you.
6:00 PM: Arrive at camp -- see deer grazing.
6:01 PM: Load gun.
6:02 PM: Fire gun.
6:03 PM: One dead pickup truck.
6:05 PM: Hunting partners arrive in camp dragging deer.
6:06 PM: Repress strong desire to shoot hunting partners.
6:07 PM: Fall into fire.
6:10 PM: Change clothing, throw burned ones in fire.
6:15 PM: Take pickup, leave hunting partners and deer in the woods.
6:25 PM: Pickup boils over due to hole shot in block.
6:26 PM: Start walking.
6:30 PM: Stumble and fall, drop gun in mud.
6:35 PM: Meet bear.
6:36 PM: Take aim.
6:37 PM: Fire gun, blow up barrel that's plugged with mud.
6:38 PM: Shit pants.
6:39 PM: Climb tree.
10:00 PM: Bear leaves. Wrap @#$%&* gun around tree.
Midnight: Home at last. Fall on knees thanking Maker.
Sunday: Watch football game on TV, slowly tearing hunting license into little pieces, place into envelope and mail to Game Warden, with very clear instructions on where to place it.
